Sri Ramakrishna Math : The Vedanta Kesari, At the Feet of the Holy Mother

Translated by Mrs.Maloti Sengupta of Kolkata from the original Bengali from Sri Sri Mayer Padaprante published by Udbodhan Office, Kolkata.

Let me tell you about what happened one day. I don't recall the exact date, nor does it really matter. Mother's niece Radhu had been suffering from some serious ailment that had reduced her to mere skin and bones. She could not even speak, only a shrill whine came from her instead of words. Mother, deeply moved, said to me, `Hari, let's take her to Bankura. Baikuntha is there, he's an allopath, M.B., who also practises homeopathy. He has made quite a name for himself.' I interrupted her, `Do you mean Baikuntha Maharaj, Swami Maheswarananda?'

`Yes, yes, you surely know him as you are from Bankura town,' she replied. `I know him well enough,' I said, `He is the head of the Bankura Math and a homeopath who has never failed to cure his patients.'

Mother confirmed that it was the same person she had in mind and so one day she went to Bankura with her niece and I accompanied them. In those days Bankura Math had hardly any quarters to speak of, let alone suitable accommodation for women. So we rented a place on Feeder Road which had two rooms. The patient occupied one, Mother and I, the other. The treatment began. One evening, after the Doctor Maharaj (Swami Maheswarananda) had examined the patient and left, Mother was sitting on a stool in our room. On an impulse, I began to massage her feet. They were so thin and shrivelled! Mother at that time had wasted away physically. As my hands passed over her feet, suddenly a doubt arose--was Mother truly the Mother of the Universe? Would the Mother of the Universe have such emaciated feet? Mentally nursing this doubt, I continued stroking her feet silently. Gradually I came to feel that the feet were certainly not those of an old woman, they were the well-formed feet of a young woman. In the light of a nearby lantern I clearly saw two incomparably beautiful feet with alta (red lac-dye) bordering them, half-moon shaped nails enhancing the beauty of the close set rounded toes. Gold anklets inlaid with pearls and precious stones adorned the feet. Whose feet had I been tending?

Speechless with wonder, I tried to fix my gaze on Mother's face. I saw the image of Jagaddhatri with a golden hue, three eyes, four arms, and decked with numerous ornaments. There was a crown on her head and weapons in her hands. A sublime effulgence radiated from her. Before I had had a good look, I cried out, `Mother! Mother!' and lost consciousness. How long I remained in that state I can't say. When I came back to, I found Mother stroking my back saying, `Hari, O Hari, what has come upon you, get up, get up!'

I sat up. I saw Mother, old and thin, sitting with her gaze fixed upon her suffering niece. This, then, was Mother, Mother of the Universe, Saradamani, the consort of Bhagawan Sri Ramakrishna in his divine play. Glory to Mother! Glory to Thakur!

The first time I went to the Udbodhan House to pay my homage to Mother, she was away visiting her village home. I was not lucky enough to see her, but revered Golap-ma was there. We met her and offered our salutations. When she heard what a long and strenuous journey we had undertaken to get there she received us with particular kindness and sympathy, expressing deep regret that we could not have darshan of Mother. [Seeing a holy person or an image of God is called darshan.] When we expressed our happiness that our meeting her was sufficient for the occasion, she smiled saying that in the absence of honey, one has to do with molasses. In those days I hardly knew anything about Mother. I had only heard that Thakur's widow was alive and lived in Udbodhan and that devotees visited her and she also granted initiation to some. But from the very words of Golap-ma at Udbodhan I realised that Mother was totally different from all others and one had to be fortunate indeed in order to have her darshan. Later, when I heard revered Sarat Maharaj remark, `Aren't Mother and Thakur one and the same?' I felt a strong urge to see Mother.

After this, one day I went to Howrah station intending to visit Mother at her village home but the friend who had accompanied me to see me off fell and broke an arm and I had to return home with him. About two years later a friend of mine (subsequently Swami Jnanananda) who then lived in the village Nabasan wrote to me that it was particularly convenient to have Mother's darshan at Jairambati and receive her grace. In the meantime, two of my close friends had already obtained Mother's grace, one at Udbodhan and the other at Jairambati. I used to hear them talking about Mother. One night I dreamt of her. I chanced to get three pictures of her too. In those days it was very difficult to get a photograph of her.

When I reached Jairambati one morning with my friend from Nabasan, Mother was then at Kalimama's place. Having deposited our baggage at Mother's door and offered our salutations to Thakur we had just arrived at Kalimama's door when Mother emerged from the doorway. There was a large boulder in front of the door. As soon as she saw us she sat down on that boulder with her legs stretched out before her and her hands on her lap. She was wearing a white dhoti with a very fine, red border. Her head was partly covered with her dhoti, the right side was bare. Slightly wavy hair cascaded down her right shoulder. She wore a pair of thick rounded bangles(bala) on her wrists, an iron ring round one of her big toes and a thin string of rudraksha hung from her neck. Her body firm and upright, she looked quite strong and healthy then. With a gracious smile she looked at us and asked my friend, `Who is this boy, then?' My friend replied, `He is your own son, Mother, a childhood friend of mine.' Both of us touched her feet. She blessed us and led us to her room. Having seen her appearance, heard her words, I knew her to be truly my mother. I remembered the face seen in my dream. I did not feel as if I had come to some unfamiliar, strange place. In less than a moment I experienced a sense of belonging. She had removed all apprehension, anxiety and diffidence. When we sat down for prasad, she served us personally. We talked about various matters. In the course of conversation, my friend mentioned that it was from me that he had first learned about Thakur. In return I also said that it was he who had brought me to her. Pleased with these words Mother said to my friend, `All is well. He had done you a good turn. In return you too have done him one.'

Mother's palms were rosy. Many have had the opportunity to see them. The soles of her feet were also rosy - tinged just like land-lotuses. She had long, thick, black hair, smooth and shining like fine silk, slightly curled in the front. The straight, long nose on her well formed face was indescribably beautiful. Her eyes were tranquil, steady, full of compassion, continuously showering love on us all. The very sight of her forehead, broad and gleaming, and her gracious look soothed one's heart. Her complexion, initially a golden brown, dulled with age. She was tall, with fairly long limbs. She walked slowly leaning a little to the left. Later her knees grew rheumatic. Mother loved all her sons equally well, whether sannyasin or householder. When householder sons came to Mother they were never conscious of any discrimination on her part, or that her affection for them fell short of that for the renunciants. Mother's sympathy and compassion would considerably reduce their misery and add to their joy and enthusiasm in their life's journey. Mother used to enquire about their property, family members, daily work and the state of affairs in the household. If they placed before her any of their problems she listened attentively and guided them as to their duties and the course of action to be taken.

Her keen insight was truly amazing. When devotees from different regions assembled at Jairambati, she would instruct the cook as to what should be served to whom, in what quantity, even as to the number of chapatis for each. No wonder that being fed by Mother, at Mother's house, should give such satisfaction to her children. In the words of Sri Sri Thakur, `Mother knows full well what diet suits which son.'

At meal time at Jairambati, only after the men had been fed did Mother feel free to have her meal, along with the women-devotees. If one of her sons chanced to travel afar on some business, she would wait till he returned, no matter how late it was. She used to keep looking down the road, would even advance a few steps, exclaiming, `It is so late and the child hasn't yet eaten, how he must be suffering from hunger!'

At Udbodhan, however, there was a dilemma. Mother would not eat until she had fed her sons. On the other hand, the intensely pious Swami Saradananda, devoted heart and soul to his Guru, how could he eat before his Chosen Deity? So it was arranged that while Mother, with the women, would sit down to her meal in one room, Sarat Maharaj would have his meal with the men in another room at the same time. Mother, brought up in a village, was accustomed to late meals, hence it used to be quite late before Sarat Maharaj, too, succeeded in disposing of the work at hand. Sri Sri Thakur's prasad used to be served to Mother first. Hastily tasting a little of it Mother transformed it into mahaprasad for Sarat Maharaj, which was then served to him. His companions, of course, were fortunate enough to have their share. Once, on Mother's birthday at Jairambati, it was the intense desire of devotees that Mother should eat first and her sons would partake of her prasad afterwards. The enthusiasm of one of her sons surpassed that of the others. He took the initiative in conveying their prayer to Mother and this time Mother did not object, agreeing silently. After the food had been offered to Thakur, it was arranged carefully on a platter which was then placed before a small piece of carpet spread out for Mother who was then invited to take her seat. Slowly, and mechanically, she took her seat. Taking in everything with a compassionate look, she tasted a little of this and a little of that. Then, most piteously she entreated the nearest son with the words, `It does not go down the throat until my sons have eaten, have your food served to you quickly.' Saying this she got up immediately and having washed, sat down at the door of her room to watch us eating. Everything had been kept ready and at once we sat down to eat. Mother was relieved. That fool of a son who had taken the lead in persuading Mother to eat before them that day, having derived much complacence thereby, now realized what a great blunder it had been. He had, in effect, caused her to go without food that day. It would have been far better to have arranged for the menfolk to have their meal first and to have served Mother afterwards with all the women, as was customary. She would have been content and eaten in peace. Alas! enamoured of splendour as we are, this manifestation of divine love is beyond our conception. By placing God on a pedestal with elaborate arrangements for worship and offerings, we only satisfy our own desire for grandeur, but piercing the veils of grandeur, manifesting the essence of sweet, pure love, he had come down as our Mother so that we may drink the nectar of her love. This faith, this realization, was lacking in us.