Sri Ramakrishna Math : The Vedanta Kesari, That is Belur Math

Translated by Swami Atmajnanananda of the Vedanta Centre of Greater Washington D.C. from the original Bengali from Shivananda Smriti Sangraha.

Iam reminded today of my first visit to Belur Math. I went one afternoon together with two friends, either toward the end of 1915 or the beginning of 1916. At that time I did not realize that the Lord, who guides our destiny, had brought me to the feet of one of the world's most revered souls. Sri Ramakrishna's spiritual son, Swami Brahmananda, was present that day at the Math. But I first met Swami Premananda, who very graciously took me by the hand to Thakur's shrineroom. Whenever I think of Swami Premananda's behaviour that day, I cannot restrain my tears even now.

Be that as it may, just as I was about to climb the first step to Thakur's shrineroom, Swami Brahmananda came down. Even though fifty years have passed, it seems to me that I heard the sound of his footsteps just moments ago. Swami Brahmananda slowly came towards me. I felt then as if I, an insignificant person, were standing between two gods. What a wonderful sight! Swami Premananda was still holding my hand. As Swami Brahmananda approached, I heard him say, "Brother Baburam, have you cast a spell on this boy? "

Swami Premananda then took me by both hands and turned me over to Swami Brahmananda saying, "Maharaj, please accept him. " Swami Brahmananda caught hold of me with his left hand and blessed me by holding his right hand on my head for some time. Looking at his face I found his eyes filled with infinite kindness. Then he said, "Will you be able? "

To this day I do not know the real significance of his words. But I bowed down at his feet and said, "By your grace I shall certainly be able. " He again looked into my eyes in that mood of great kindness and said, "Thakur's grace is surely upon you. " I made pranams once more, and he slowly went back up the steps without saying anything further. Swami Premananda again took me by the hand, and we went to the first floor verandah of the monastery overlooking the Ganges. I do not know what spirituality meanseven today I do not understand itbut throughout these long years I have always felt that these two divinely commissioned souls and helpers in the earthly play of Sri Ramakrishna blessed me with their motiveless grace. I myself have no special qualificationsof that I am sure. But it has been my experience throughout my life that no matter where I am or in what condition, their grace will protect me and has been protecting me.

The day I first met Revered Mahapurush Maharaj remains shining before my mind's eye. It was on a celebration day, probably in 1917. After taking noon prasad, Mahapurush Maharaj and Swamiji's brother, Mahim Babu, were resting on a mat in one of the rooms on the ground floor of the monastery. One of my friends pointed out Mahendra Babu from a distance and told me that he was Swamiji's brother. Hearing that I lost all sense of proper time, place and circumstance in my desire to meet him. I went straight towards where he was lying, bowed down to him, and without further ado asked, "Are you not Swamiji's brother? "

Mahendra Babu looked at me in a somewhat surprised and irritated manner and said, "Yes, what about it? "

Though I was a little embarrassed, still I replied, "I would like to hear about Swamiji from you. "

He looked at me and said, "Do you think I am a machine that will give nectar whenever you press it? "

I said, "No, why should I consider you a machine? You are Swamiji's brother. I want to hear about Swamiji. I thought if I sit near you I may get to hear something. That is why I said what I did. "

After that he softened a little. He inquired about my family, what I was studying, where I lived, and so on, and then said, "Come to our house on No. 3 Gaurmohan Mukherjee Street in Calcutta, and I'll tell you whatever you want to hear. "

But the funny thing is that the whole time I was talking to him, Mahapurush Maharaj was by his side looking at me with great compassion. I felt as if he completely overlooked my uncivil behaviour and was showering me with endless grace. From that time on I felt drawn to that compassionate gaze of his, and began to feel reverence for him as an infinitely benevolent father. I feel as if those two compassionate eyes of Mahapurush Maharaj are still present before me.

Despite all this, he had not yet said anything to me. I bowed down before him. His luminous body and steady gaze simultaneously aroused in me both reverence and fear. From that time on I started going to Belur Math whenever I got the chance. My goal was to have the vision and grace of Swami Brahmananda, Swami Premananda and Mahapurush Maharaj. I thus had the good fortune of seeing Mahapurush Maharaj many times.

Once I went to the Math on the day of Sarasvati Puja. I had climbed the stairs to Thakur's shrineroom and was about to enter when Mahapurush Maharaj walked out. The look in his eyes was unforgettable, as if they were exuding kindness itself. I stood there hardly able to move. He asked me with great affection, "Oh, when did you come? How are you? Is your health all right? "

He closed his eyes for a few moments and then said to me with great kindness, "Why are you worried, my child? You will have `this' as well as `that.' Your desires will be fulfilled in both directions. You don't have to worry about anything."

Hearing his words of assurance I was unable to hold back my tears. I wept aloud for some time. He then left for his room on the other side of the shrineroom. I went to make my pranams to Thakur and sat for some time in the shrineroom. After that I took prasad at the appointed hour, again made pranams to Mahapurush Maharaj, and returned to Calcutta.

On another occasion Mahapurush Maharaj was sitting in his room. I entered and bowed down before him. He said, "Oh, how are you? " He said these words with such compassion that I looked at him and began to cry profusely. I took hold of his feet and said, "Maharaj, please be gracious to me. May I have love and devotion for Thakur and Ma. " He replied with great tenderness, "My child, I am blessing you with all my heart that you may attain love and devotion for the lotus feet of Sri Thakur. May Thakur be gracious to you. "

Another time Mahapurush Maharaj was in his room sitting on his bed. I entered and made pranams. That day he joked with me very much. He sang again and again the line from a song, "Naresh Chandra [the name of both the author of the song and the writer of the reminiscence] laughs and weeps, and thinks it would have been better not to have come at all. " And again and again he looked at me and laughed. I then felt that my life had nothing of value in it other than the holy company of Mahapurush Maharaj. I was thinking how my mind had been permanently offered at the holy feet of Sri Ramakrishna's divine companions. One thing I noticedwhenever I was in the company of Mahapurush Maharaj he would try to raise my mind to a higher plane.

Once during my school days I went to Belur Math wearing only a dhoti (cloth) with a blanket on my shoulder, intending to join the order. I have no words to describe how happy Mahapurush Maharaj was to see me. He said, "You have come? Wonderful. Don't worry about anything. " I stayed at the Math as a brahmachari for six days, but how can one counteract one's fate? On the seventh day I dreamt of Mahakali in a terrifying form and felt I had to leave the Math. The next morning I made full pranams to Mahapurush Maharaj and remained standing before him. He said, "You rascal! Are you afraid? Are you going away? " I was speechless wondering how he came to know about my dream. A moment later he looked at me with eyes filled with love and said, "If you must go, then go. But, my child, where will you go? We have already swallowed you up. From today on, rememberno matter where you may be, that is Belur Math. "

After that my life underwent a complete change. I did exceptionally well in my M.A. examination from Calcutta University and travelled to Bombay, Nepal and various other places in search of work, sometimes temporary and sometimes full --time. Later, through unforeseen factors, I got married.

After my marriage I did not go to the Math for a long time. When I went one day, Mahapurush Maharaj saw me and joyfully asked, "Oh, why haven't you come for such a long time? " I remained silent. He said, "I understand. You have got married and are embarrassed. "

I don't know why, but I began sobbing and said, "Why has this happened to me? Why didn't Thakur protect me? " He looked at me with great kindness. Then he said, "So, you have married. What if? Were Thakur's householder disciples any less great? Do one thing. Bring your wife one day and let me see her. "

For the rest of the time I was with him he spoke to me very affectionately. The heavy burden of my heart was reduced considerably. Some time later Mahapurush Maharaj graciously initiated my wife and blessed her abundantly.

Later I went to London to study Incorporated Accountantship. Upon completing the course I returned, but after going to Ahmedabad, Tatanagar, and various other places and still not finding a good position, I came back to Calcutta disappointed. Gradually my situation became so precarious that life began to seem like a mockery. In this state of mind I went to the Math along with my wife to the holy feet of Mahapurush Maharaj. He seemed to be overflowing with compassion. We were seated on the upper floor of the monastery building, talking. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "Look here, do you know what Thakur has just shown me? Your house with a shrine on the third storey, a car, you wearing a hat and suit, driving your car proudly. What is there to fear? You will have `this' as well as `that'. "

I tried to restrain myself for a long time, but was unable. Finally I burst out, "Maharaj, all this seems like a horrible joke. I can't even arrange for two decent meals a day, and you are talking about cars and houses. "

He replied very excitedly, "Thakur doesn't show us anything false. What Thakur has revealed is perfectly true. You will see. What I have said will come to pass. "

After this long period of time I see that Thakur did not reveal anything false to Mahapurush Maharaj. All of the things of the world have come to me. Now at the twilight of my life I see that the blessings and unsought grace of Sri Ramakrishna, his divine partner, Holy Mother, the world teacher Swami Vivekananda, and the other divine companions of Sri Ramakrishna are my only treasures in this journey of life.