Sri Ramakrishna Math : The Vedanta Kesari, January 2003

The author is a daughter of the Holy Mother from New York, USA. She contributes thoughful articles to the magazine.

Every year that I have lived in the United States of America, now it has reached twenty, I have been reminded that the country adores motherhood. This is patently clear by the number of advertisements that are circulated on television and the press before the annual Mother's Day celebration. If you don't have a mother who is living, or one that you are communicating with regularly, this call to your earliest memories of nurturing comes to remind you that you are among millions of people with similar beginnings. We were once children, the advertisements insist, now that we are older and hopefully, wiser, we should honour our roots. At least, that is my interpretation of the bright signs and pictures that hang on shops, groceries, and florists' windows.

Since my mother has not been with me for the last thirty-two years, I always reflect on the role that Holy Mother, Sri Sarada Devi, has played in my life. Although other people may not know that I think of her as the universal mother, or be able to relate to her as a divine personality, the thought of her life and sayings brings me special feelings of love and acceptance. Instead of spending the days leading up to the celebrated day in May pining for my earthly mother, my time is spent reminiscing about the Holy Mother's life and teachings.

What is it about Holy Mother's life that brings me away from the pedestrian view of motherhood and children? Much of the inspiration can be found in the earliest recollections of Sarada Devi's life. She acted as a mother from the very early years of her time with her family. When her family was hard-pressed to earn a living or take care of the children in their home, the little girl worked very hard in the paddy fields and took care of her five younger brothers. She said, 'In my childhood I sometimes used to go into neck-deep water and cut grass for the cows. I carried tiffin to the labourers in the field.' Further, she reported: 'When I cooked, my father helped me to take down the big rice-pot from the oven.' She never complained about the level of activity that she was called on to perform in her large family, but in fact, continued this practice of hard work to the very last days of her life.

Holy Mother showed the world the ideal of motherhood by 'adopting' many children into her household. As a young widow she took in her nieces, including the very troublesome niece Radhu and her child. The young guru looked after her other nieces and nephews without reservations about their status in the family's hierarchy. The head of the monastic order of Sri Ramakrishna took care of the young monastics who came to her for advice and encouragement in the face of their physical and spiritual struggles.

When it was time for her first disciple, Swami Yogananda, to receive initiation, she only agreed to take on the responsibility of his spiritual education out of her mother's love. Even though she said that 'to initiate is no fun; it is a tremendous burden to bear,' she acted under the instruction of her guru, Sri Ramakrishna. It was her regard for her spouse, teacher, and spiritual guide that led her to follow his direction. Although she complained, half-heartedly to be sure, that Sri Ramakrishna had pushed all the 'small fry' disciples to her, she still remained loyal to the welfare of her 'children' and their spiritual needs.

Holy Mother made the culture of living with God in mind seem attainable by all who were sincere in their efforts to attain peace. Her highly evolved spiritual culture led her to explain that 'The moon in the sky is covered by a cloud... The cloud has to be removed by the wind by degrees; then only can you see the moon. Does it pass all of a sudden? The same with spiritual perfection also. The effects of past work are exhausted slowly. When one realizes God, He grants knowledge and illumination from within--one knows it oneself.' She also remonstrated with the devotees: 'Everything depends on the mind. Nothing can be achieved without purity of mind. God who is purity itself cannot be attained without austerities. Through a pure mind one attains knowledge and awakening.'

In another instance of her doing a mother's work without hesitation she adjusted her actions to the circumstance for getting the desired result. A young monastic seemed to be under the influence of a drug, or temporarily deranged, and Holy Mother assumed her divine form to subdue him with physical force. It was not her normal course of behavior, she could hardly lift her eyes off the ground in the presence of strangers, but she took on the persona of the awesome mother figure to discipline her son. She never discussed this incident with other members of her family, but was glad to see the said disciple regain his health and return to the ascetic life of the monastery.

Holy Mother was a very self-effacing personality. If there is anything that she brings to mind to a person like me who has been immersed in Western culture and the boldness of its women, it is her ability to carry her greatness in a very discreet manner. In one incident recorded by a close companion and attendant, she was reported to be mistaken for someone else at a meeting with some visitors. Holy Mother did not project her image as a leader or special personality, infact she did not stand out in any way compared to the more elaborately dressed women in the room around her. Her constant companion, Golap Ma, was quite frustrated that the woman who mistook her for the Holy Mother was so spiritually unevolved that she could not discern the difference between the two women. We Western ladies may find this hard to believe without seeing it ourselves, but it is recorded for us to reflect on and learn!

There is another lesson that stands out in the life story of Mother's journey here on earth to inspire children like myself. When her husband, Sri Ramakrishna, died and left her penniless, she did not run to her mother's house. She spent her days quietly, tending the small field that would provide her rice and simple greens for her daily diet. She did not rush to leave these straitened circumstances when her husband's disciples found out about her situation and invited her to come and live in the city where she would be looked after with great care. Instead, the young widow asked the opinion of an elder in her village, Prasannamayi, and then made a decision to make the move to Kolkata to be among the devotees. Her respect for the elders in her village and the tradition of taking others into consideration is a reminder to us moderns that there is great value in the experience and wisdom of the older people in our communities. Old people are not held in great esteem in our modern society and this is a loss to our culture and the wisdom that we might be able to enjoy through our association with the elderly.

Holy Mother's ability to be a collaborator with her husband from their earliest years as a married couple, is another model for her children to emulate. The famous quote of Sri Ramakrishna concerning Holy Mother's role in his spiritual ministry brings to mind the level of respect that he had for her spiritual ability. He implored her to see the people in Kolkata as those who 'live like worms in darkness' and insisted that she 'should look after them.' Sri Ramakrishna had given the 'water', Mother was to mould the 'clay' of the devotees so that they could be reflections of divinity. She took up the mantle of his work after he died so that she could fulfil his vision of her contribution to the movement that he had begun. Two minds working as one is a way for their children to regard the accomplishments of this religious dynamo. One spirit manifested in two forms, 'if you see me you see Sri Ramakrishna', is the lesson of our spiritual mentor, Sarada Devi.

Later in Holy Mother's life she was challenged to do her ministry in the midst of household duties, a busy travel itinerary, increasing responsibilities associated with the role of the leader of the monastery, and the increasing demands of her niece's bad health. There is no record of the Mother's irritability under this pressure from being under the gaze of people all day and night. In fact, she was more often found soothing those around her who had lost patience with a fellow householder. Holy Mother inspired Nalini, her niece, to come in from the front of the house on a cold night when the young girl wanted to remain outside after the inmates had gone to bed. The complaint that kept Nalini awake and irritable had to do with her over-zealous concern with purity and the observation of religious rules on that point. She wanted to take a bath late at night to cleanse herself after touching some impurity. Holy Mother managed to persuade her that it was enough to wash her hands and her face and that she would not be censured for making this choice under the said conditions. Rather than complain about the lateness of the hour and the trouble that Nalini was causing in the family, Holy Mother identified herself with the young girl's distress and persuaded her to relent in her tireless pursuit of perfection for just one night.

Another incident that brings the relevance of Holy Mother's life to mind on Mother's day, is her reaction to the gifts that her children gave her. A quilt that she was given by Swami Yogananda was preserved until it could barely be used. Instead of throwing away the quilt, she had it re-stuffed and placed in her trunk so that she could look at it from time to time. She also made a lot of fuss over the fact that she had cut a prayer mat unevenly, after receiving it as a gift, and fretted that she did not see how she could preserve it for use after making her mistake. Her concern was for the person who gave her the mat as a gift, that they would not be able to see her using it. So much was her life bound up in consideration for others, and the belief that each person is a reflection of divinity, that she made every act of hers an opportunity for teaching her children how to think of others as equally important to one's self.

Mother's own children help to make the case for the reasons that there should be a universal response to her character and philosophy of unity among all people. In the diary of Miss Noble, later known as Sister Nivedita, we hear the details of Mother's love: 'She addressed us all as "my child". She did not know our language and we did not know hers, but that did not matter. Where there is a commune of spirit, no language is necessary.'

And from Gauri-Ma, her faithful companion and attendant: 'People have not yet been able to know the Holy Mother. A full appreciation of the significance of her life is bound to have a liberalizing influence upon the whole world.'

'Mother, the knowledge that explains away the lotus feet of the Guru is nothing but ignorance. What is the validity of the knowledge if it proves that Guru is nought?' Give up this dry discussion, this hodge-podge of philosophy. Who has been able to know God by reasoning? Even sages like Shuka and Vyasa are at best like big ants trying to carry away a few grains of sugar from a large heap.

From her death-bed Holy Mother gave her most important counsel to the world: 'Learn to make the whole world your own. Nobody is a stranger, here, my dear. Everybody is your own.' And by liberating her household members from any insularity of attitude, she gave the world a lesson plan with which to teach themselves the divinization of their daily lives. This was the spirit in which she conducted her relationships and she wanted, above all the other spiritual practices, that her children carry on the legacy of compassion in their daily lives.

The Holy Mother herself made it clear to her children that she once had the human tendency to find fault. She set an example for correcting this flaw by sharing the proceeds of her effort to change with her children. She said: 'Formerly I too would see the defects of others. Then I prayed to the Master. Thus did I get rid of the habit. You may help a man in thousands of ways, but if you do him one wrong, he will at once turn his face away from you in anger. It is the nature of men only to see defects. One should learn to appreciate others' virtues... Do not look at the faults of others lest your eyes should become impure.' On another occasion she told her close companions and devotees how she prayed, 'O Lord! Remove from me the habit of finding fault with others. May I never find fault with anybody.'

Even in the instance of animals, Mother showed her household and disciples how to show compassion for the innate divinity that each life form represented. After observing the harsh treatment of the cat by members of her household she burst out and said, 'Why should we condemn the cat for stealing food? It is in his nature to steal and now that we've driven him away how will he survive? He cannot work for his living.' This incident may seem trivial to those who are new to the history of Holy Mother's life, but it is significant for the level of awareness that she brought to all her actions. It is a demonstration lesson for those who want to take note of spiritual culture in action.

It is clear from these quotes that Mother lived a life that inspired her children to reach for their highest potential in manifesting their divine essence. Her life was a living symbol of active spirituality. She remained a householder for her entire ministry on this earth so that we would always see the picture of her graciousness under pressure. Holy Mother was not a cloistered nun, but a sister, wife, mother, guru, and aunt. Her household work seemed unending and yet she said that she had the picture of eternity 'in the palm' of her hand. The Mother's life was clearly created to ensure that we would always have a model of the ideal spiritual life on earth. When she lay down her earthly burden, she was sure that she had set enough examples by her actions for her talented students to lead enlightened spiritual lives.

So when the ritual celebration of Mother's Day comes around next year, I am going to design a series of cards to my friends in Vedanta. These cards will have quotes from Holy Mother's ministry and her sayings to her devotees. My line of cards will also feature the loving sentiments that Holy Mother herself expressed about the influential women in her life including her mother, the old aunt from her village, and Sri Ramakrishna's mother. Of course, there will be quotes from Yogin Ma and Gauri Ma, her devoted attendants, included in the line of greetings in my cards. I won't forget to mine the information available in the comments provided by Swami Vivekananda. But most importantly, there will be a special greeting that I send out to all my loved ones. I will make sure that I include the words of Holy Mother's spouse and spiritual equal, Sri Ramakrishna: 'Had she not been so pure. . . who knows whether I might not have lost my self-control from her inducements? After marriage I prayed to the Divine Mother, "O Mother, remove even the least taint of carnality from the mind of my wife." When I lived with her, I understood that the Mother had really granted my prayer.' In this way, I will work to transform the image of Mother's Day in the minds of all of us children who struggle to make our divinity manifest in our daily actions. Hopefully, I will also elevate the symbol of motherhood from the earthly ties of raising children and sacrificing one's life for their progress in this world. With one heartfelt effort, I will promote the image of all women from the earth-bound to the divine that Holy Mother's life has called us to manifest every waking moment.